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1st December 2006
“Something happened that outraged you? Want to hit back? Want to create a riot? Contact us, we are riots specialists in Bombay, we will give you all the necessary people and information required for having your own personalised riots. You can even outsource your riots here, even if the incident hapened thousands of miles from here, we can have your riots here. RIOTS'R'US”

In a quite office in a not so quite suburb of Bombay, a man is sitting on his chair reading a newspaper and sipping tea. Just as he placed his cup of tea on the table, a man opened the door of his cabin and rushed in. He looked at the man who had just entered inquisitively.

"Sir, a statue of Dr. Ambedkar has been defaced in Uttar Pradesh."

His eyes lit up and he calls up the rest of the people in his office too.

"OK people. A statue of Dr Ambedkar has been defaced in Uttar Pradesh. I want you to get on the net and get as much information about the incident as you can. Search all the news sites, google and all blogs having any information about it and I want this done yesterday"

Everybody rushed back to their seats and started working like cracked squirrels. Any information was passed on the bass as it came up who was busy writing a proposal. Writing a proposal? You might think it a little too early to write a proposal for the creation of a new statue. Right? Well this is where you are wrong. The proposal is not for creating a statue but for creating riots. The proposal is then emailed to all the organisations related to Dr Ambedkar and phone calls started pouring in and the office was now looking like a call-center with the phones ringing off the hook.

The following conversation is just my imagination. I am not trying to say that any organisation is involved in riots; I am only saying that this can be a very profitable business proposition in Bombay.

“Yes sir, we have 500 people that we can send to the place of your choice at a notice of one hour”
“What can those people do”?
“Yes we have all kind of people for all kind of jobs, we have people who can go for rallies and protests like the ones you see in Azad maidan, we have arsonists who can burn buses and other public property, we have rioters who can starts riots, throw stones at the cops and we have experts who can make petrol bombs to back those people”
“What do you charge for those people”?
“The rates? Well sir it is a prestige issue, your leader has been insulted and I guess no price is too high to get back at those bastards who did that”
“Still I would like to get some indicative figures, we need to get that approved from higher up”
“Well sir the general mob will cost you 100bucks per person, an arsonist will come at 500 and a bomb maker will also come at the same price”
“You have only men”
“No sir, we have women as well but they only participate in peaceful processions, shouting slogans and stuff like that"
“But how do you know a procession will not turn violent”
“Sir, we decide what turns violent and what stays peaceful...how can we not know”
“OK, I will get back to you, tentatively I can tell you that we will need about 300 to 350 people, we are not going for any procession or such, we will be burning buses and such so the percentage of arsonist will be higher”
“Thanks sir, but I would like to request that you get back to us as soon as you can because e have just found out that in Bihar the buffalo of a gangster has been killed in a road accident and we are expecting some business from there as well. I am afraid I will have to send my men there if they give us a confirmation before you.”

He hangs up and the office again turns to a call center, making phone call to all the people this body-shopping organisation has on “bench”.

Bombay is supposedly the financial capital of the country and one would expect the cream of people living in a city like this, a workforce that is educated, committed and more professional that anywhere else in the country. On the contrary this place has a big number of people with way too much time on their hands. In the past one year I have seen so many riots here that it is not funny. In the past six months, the petrol pumps went for a strike at least 3 times.

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